Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
