I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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