We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
