Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
