I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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