he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
