FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
