Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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