tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
