I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
