the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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