Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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