someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
