Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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