Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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