A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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