My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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