i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
