I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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