How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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