I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize