i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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