I am puke
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
