We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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