In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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