Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
