i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
