You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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