Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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