Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Soap is not a condiment
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
