standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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