I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
