would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
