dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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