This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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