I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
