Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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