Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
