Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
