party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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