WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
