If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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