so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
