you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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