If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
