We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize