Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize