I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
