batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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