and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
