turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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