he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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