Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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