dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
