i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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