Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
