fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
