So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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