areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
