What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize