Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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