just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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