Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
